You have reached the Almighty Creator of the Macrocosmic Universe. Please keep the following in mind when seeking resolution for your problems:
Applications for assistance may be made at any time. I reserve the right to take no action on problems for which no application is made.
Your perception of the urgency of your problem bears no necessary relation to the priority I will assign to your problem.
If your problem is caused by non-compliance with the directives I have published, it may be assigned a very low priority until a higher compliance level is accomplished; in some cases, action on My part will be postponed until full compliance is achieved.
While it is not prohibited for you to recommend a particular form of assistance, it is not necessary, and under no circumstance will I be bound by your recommendations.
The assistance I provide may be spritual, nutritional, medical, financial, emotional, motivational, meterological, social, political, military, or advisory, or of other forms not here enumerated. Be advised that the form and level of assistance can and will vary from your desires and/or expectations.
Authentic advisory assistance will be fully consonant with My published directives; counterfeit advice will conflict with said directives in one or more particulars. There have been reports of persons of reason being unable to understand the directives, however further scrutiny reveals that all such incidents are caused by an unwillingness to accept the directives in toto; consequently, you will bear full responsibility for ascertaining the authenticity of advisory assistance, as well as understanding and implementing it.
You may augment the provided assistance with efforts of your own. It is your responsibility to assess whether this is necessary or beneficial. I accept no responsibility for the results of efforts that are not consonant with My published directives.
At My discretion I will dispatch human agents to assist you with your problem. Said agents can and will be of any race, color, gender, creed, or moral condition. They are usually unaware that I have sent them, and frequently are of the belief that I do not exist at all. Be forewarned that the characteristics of the agents I may send can and will vary from your desires and/or expectations.
My former policy of issuing credentials to select human agents has served its intended purpose and has been permanently discontinued, and all credentialed human agents have been recalled from field service. Any and all credentials presently observable in the field are of human origin; none have been issued by Me.
Acceptance of assistance is entirely voluntary; human agents have not been authorized to compel acceptance.
Rejection of proffered assistance may constitute grounds for non-resolution of the problem for which the assistance was provided.
Be advised that your cooperation may be essential to resolution of your problem, and that any failure to cooperate with problem resolution may delay or prevent said resolution. I will accept no responsibility for such eventualities, and have authorized My human agents to discontinue assistance when non-cooperation is evident.
You may augment My corps of human agents by offering assistance to any person you perceive to be in need.
Be advised that all temporal problems are of limited duration, and consequently will be assigned a priority lower than that of any and all existing spiritual problems. Upon successful resolution of spiritual problems, applicants often report a reduction in the perceived urgency of temporal problems.
